The Office Politics Nobody Mentions: Navigating Microaggressions with Your Sanity Intact. Part 3

Protect Your Peace

Here's something I wish someone had told me earlier: having enough money stashed away so that leaving a toxic situation is always an option changes everything. I know not everyone can do this immediately, but even starting small removes a certain type of fear. Financial freedom means I'm there because I choose to be, not because I'm trapped. The peace doing this has brought me is priceless!

Set clear boundaries and stick to them, though I'll be honest, it took years to get comfortable doing this without guilt. When someone baits me (people will absolutely test you) try pausing before responding (my longest pause was 48 hours).

Redirect with phrases like, "Let's keep this professional" or "Help me understand what you're trying to accomplish with this conversation." It forces them to state their intentions and usually makes them reconsider their approach.

When things get tough, find a safe haven (aka your passion, your community)

Get a therapist. (Mine is a godsend) Don't go at it alone or suffer in silence. Trust me when i tell you... it's not worth it. Therapy has been one of the best investments I've made in myself. My biggest advice when looking for a therapist find someone who will understand or experiences, has same struggles. For example my therapist is a black woman from Brooklyn. When I tell her things.. she GETS IT! In the past therapist have tried "solving the problem". What I love about my therapist ( this isn't for everyone) she doesn't try to solve the problem. She helps finding ways (tools) to cope and regulate emotions. My favorite phrase of hers (which I've stolen...she's aware) "All things can be true at the same time".

Document everything in the form of a journal. Dates, times, exact quotes. If microaggressions become a pattern, Have receipts, and more importantly, you'll have validation for myself that you're not imagining things.

Keep in mind NO ONE cares about your feelings as much as you do. This was the first thing my therapist said in our first session. At first was like "the hell" but it totally makes sense... and now I understand the importance of keeping my peace in tact.

I also seek support outside of work. People who share my perspective, who can validate my experiences and help me strategize without judgment. For over 15 years I lived in places where I had no support or friends that couldn't understand my struggle. When I was in Europe, I was often the only Black person in corporate spaces. At first it was a novelty, then it became isolating and difficult. Community saved me. Finding folks with the same point of view and sharing experiences creates the safety net that work will never provide, and we deserve that support.

"All things can be true at the same time" this quote comes in handy a lot, especially during hard days. I can be happy and frustrated at work. I can be passionate about my actual passions but still show up professionally.

Try not to take things personally (I know that's so much easier said than done). Some days I fail at it completely. Give yourself some grace. Remember, nothing is ever perfect, especially when dealing with emotions and people's biases. Until you find the support you need? Stay sharp, keep documenting and remember: you're not crazy, you're not overreacting, and your presence in these spaces is already revolutionary. Protect your peace at all costs. You deserve it. Everything else is just strategy.