The Office Politics Nobody Mentions: Navigating Microaggressions with Your Sanity Intact. Part 2

Strategic Communication

When microaggressions happen (and they absolutely will) I try to focus on impact over intent. I know it's tempting to assume the worst about people's motivations, Lawyer Vince from How to convince with Vince has a great series on youtube and he suggests saying the following: "While you didn't intend to, the words you used can send a message that..." or my personal favorite, "What do you mean by that?"

That second one is gold because it gives people a chance to hear themselves and often they'll self-correct without me having to escalate things. I also lean on "Help me understand your perspective" to shift from confrontation to curiosity. It disarms people while making them feel heard, even when I'm actually just creating space to think through my next move.

Being direct while without being harsh can be very difficult especially during high productivity time. Stress is high. Emotions are high. And I can mean one thing but the person I'm addressing will hear something completely different. The key is being direct without being harsh. Honestly I'm a work in progress (but aware) and am learning the importance of this exercise.

More advice from Lawyer Vince. This guy has truly changed my life:

Be direct without being harsh try this: Instead of softening everything with "I just wanted to check in," say "I'm following up" but say it with clarity, not aggression.

When someone tries to twist your words or gaslight you, respond with, "It sounds like we remember this differently. Let's stick to the facts." If they keep pushing, use: "I'm not accepting responsibility for something I did not do" or "My decision isn't changing even if you keep asking."

It's important to stay calm and neutral at all times. It's REALLY difficult but it's key. Your composure needs to be the loudest thing in the room, even when internally you're screaming.

I truly believe emotional emails are the devil. Never, ever send emails about concerns until after an in-person discussion because tone gets lost and things escalate quickly. Emails are only for follow-ups or ensuring everyone's on the same page in writing.